Flirty Dating Apps

In the world of dating apps/websites, there’s so much competition out there for cute girls, your opening line can make or break whether she will engage. How many times have you gotten matched with a PYT, but when you message her, she doesn’t respond? You hope that she got hit by a bus or something, but odds are, she was just turned off by your approach.

How to Flirt on Dating Apps Without Wanting to Throw Your Phone in a Toilet. There are much more fun ways to start—and maintain—a conversation besides 'how are you holding up lol.' Dating app satisfaction is notoriously low. Customer satisfaction for online dating received the lowest satisfaction score Consumer Reports had ever seen for services rendered. Not a single dating app analyzes communication – the thing every happy, long-term relationship is built on. Flirt analyzes, understands, and is built on communication.

It’s insanely difficult to be funny, engaging, interesting, etc., in an opening line with a girl you know nearly nothing about. But while you may be a boring dolt who is a complete drain on society, I’m a creative genius, and have perfected the art of openers. Today, on this blog, I am giving away 42 openers to all of you…COMPLETELY FREE OF CHARGE. All I ask for in terms of payment is that if one of my openers helps you land a girl, you think of me when you hook up with her (but not, like, in a gay way or anything, be cool).

Not every girl calls for the same opener, so I’ve grouped them based on different situations. Please use discretion when choosing your opener. Using a Flirty Opener when the girl’s profile clearly calls for an Edgy Opener could lead to disaster. Best of luck.

CONFIDENT OPENERS:

– Just got a haircut without running it by my mom. NBD.

– Hey there, pretty lady. What should we order for breakfast the morning after our date? KEEP IN MIND, I AM GLUTEN INTOLERANT AND ALLERGIC TO NUTS.

– I’m not saying I’m the type you can take home to your mom, but I’m definitely the type you can take home. Please do, actually, I’m homeless :(.

CURRENT EVENT OPENERS:

– How ‘bout this Crimea and Russia situation? You know what else is a Crimea? That you and I aren’t getting a drink right now.

– After looking at your pictures, my pants feel like Syria—a lot of unrest.

– My heart’s breaking over these bloody insurgencies around the world. I just wish there was more I could do, ya know? Do you like making out?

FLIRTY OPENERS:

– Hey cutie. You look like my step-sister… I’ve always had a crush on her.

– Do you know how to play pool? If not, I could seductively come up behind you and teach you. Full Disclosure: I’ve never actually played pool.

– FYI: I like being big spoon. But I’ve been known to do some little spoon, hehe. I’m also a fantastic fork. Ugh, I’m out of forks right now. It’s so annoying because I don’t own a dishwasher. Technically I do, but it’s such a piece of shit. It doesn’t work. What were we talking about?

EMO OPENERS:

– What’s the point of having a partner when we all die alone? But, I guess, if there’s anyone I’d be okay with wasting away the rest of my life with, it’d be you.

– Sometimes I feel like I could go missing for weeks before anyone even noticed. I’d definitely notice if you went missing, on account of your nice boobs.

– I think I love you more than I’ve ever loved myself.

EDGY OPENERS:

– If you had to commit genocide, what race of people would you do it to and why?

– Standard rules dictate that you shouldn’t talk about politics or religion on a first date… I won Student Council President in seventh grade, same year that I had my Bar Mitzvah. I don’t play by the rules…

– I curse in front of my parents… what the fuck are they gonna do about it?

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MANLY OPENERS:

– Just sitting here drinking a beer and watching the game. Also, checking out an adult film on my laptop and calling my friend derogatory names. Impressed?

– My beard is growing its own beard.

– Hey, tits. One time I threw a football so hard, I almost dropped my whiskey, but I was able to catch it with my elephant trunk of a penis.

POLITICAL OPENERS:

– Hilary Clinton really seems like she’s positioning herself to take a run at president in 2016. I’d like to position my groin to take a run at you.

– Just enrolled for health insurance via Obamacare. Says it covers my dependents too. Any interest in filling that opening?

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– I’m not much of a political guy, but I just had to let you know that after going through your pics, I’m rocking a pretty hard John Boehner.

PHILOSOPHICAL OPENERS:

– Sometimes I question why God allows bad things to happen to good people. For example, how have we never gone on a date?

– Fuck, Marry, Kill: Nietzsche, Kierkegaard, Dostoyevsky?

– If the technology existed, do you think it would be ethical for scientists to clone you? And if so, do you think your clone would be down for a threesome? Bring it up to her casually.

SELF-CONSCIOUS OPENERS:

– Can’t believe we matched together. You’re so pretty, and physically speaking, I am simply hideous. I was cast to play the Hunchback in my school play, and we weren’t even doing The Hunchback of Notre Dame. It was for The Lion King. They added a hunchback just for me. Anyway, how are you?

– I feel silly asking you this, you probably get hit up by like fifty guys a day, I know you’re out of my league, and there’s no shot you’ll ever respond to this, but I just wanted to say, this is so stupid, you’re probably showing this to all your friends right now and laughing, my god, I am just not cut out for this… *sigh*… how was your day?

– We both know where this is heading. Let’s cut to the chase—call me an insensitive, self-involved, immature asshole and break up with me.

AGGRESSIVE OPENERS:

– Ya know what the difference is between you and an angel? I’ve never masturbated to a picture of an angel.

– I’ve thought it over, and I’m okay with you keeping our yet-to-be-conceived baby.

– Tell me about the biggest trauma in your life, give me your address, leave the door unlocked, I’ll be there in fifteen.

OMINOUS OPENERS:

– Your bedroom is such a mess…

– I would hate it if you met an untimely demise prior to our first date…

– We would’ve made such a good couple. Real shame…

SENSITIVE OPENERS:

– So exhausted. Been playing with my nephew and his new puppy in a flower patch all day while helping to feed the homeless.

– I love my mom, and my grandma, and my sister. I pretty much love and respect all women. Except for my Aunt Janice, she’s a dumb bitch.

– Just wanted you to know that it doesn’t matter why you’re annoyed with your roommate right now, I agree with you 100% and am here for you.

CONFUSING OPENERS:

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-and trust me, that’s being generous. Hold on I have a call on the other line. Hello?

– I don’t give a holy hell what Oprah says, I refuse to acknowledge Wiccans as a political party.

– Congratulations! Thank you for enrolling in a relationship with (your name). To continue receiving these messages, reply ‘HEY’. To unsubscribe, reply ‘FUCK OFF’.

RICH GUY OPENERS:

– Ugh, my personal chef made lobster steaks again. It’s like, how ‘bout a little variety, you piece of shit!?

– Need help with a big decision – should my new yacht have a helipad OR a tennis court sized hot tub OR an aboveground wine cellar filled with gold?

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– Guess who’s no longer on his parents cell phone bill…?